The Dam Finally Breaks
by WuNsChKiNd15
Summary: James T. Kirk has never cried a day in his life. When Admiral PIke dies that changes. Leonard McCoy, worried about his friend's mental and physical health, elects to pay his friend a visit. (kind of a bad summary, I know. McKirk. Angsty, somewhat fluff. Could be read as slash, pre-slash, or just extremely close friendship. Rated T for language and angst.) Spoilers for Into Darkness


**A/N: this is my first story being written on fanfiction. This is also my first upload of a Star Trek fiction, however I have been reading the fandom for almost six months now. Traditionally I am a spirk shipper, however I am known to stray to the McKirk side as well. Having said this, strangely enough, my first submission is going to be McKirk. This could be read as slash, pre-slash, or extremely strong friendship. I wrote it with slash/pre-slash in mind, but it is open to interpretations. As this is my first submission, characters might be off, but I tried to stay as true to the characters as I could. Characters become slightly OOC towards the end, as that is how I believe they would react to the situation. This is unbeta'd so any mistakes are my own, and any constructive criticism is welcome. **

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He was gone.

Jim Kirk had rushed to the corner of the room that Spock had pulled Pike's wounded body into and fell to his knees when he realized that he was too late. Pike's usually vibrant blue eyes were eerily clear, but dull.

Whenever Jim had woken from a nightmare, one of the few things he ever remembered was that the eyes of the person he had failed to save were always dim and glazed over. The startling contrast of his imagination to the reality would be something he feared would haunt him the rest of his life.

As Kirk collapsed onto his knees and folded over his mentor's body, he only had one thought. _Not again._ A recurring theme throughout Kirk's life was that those he had depended on always left. His father had given his life for him, his mother had become a drunken recluse in the aftermath of his father's death and had left him in the care of a drunken, abusive step-father. Pike had been his saving grace from that life, and now he was gone too.

Jim's saving grace to himself was that he was a survivor. He was strong. No one had ever heard him sob or glimpsed at his tears. He pushed down the momentarily overwhelming state of loss as he rose to his feet, drying the traitorous tears that had escaped his eyes. Putting a hand on Spock's shoulder, he turned and walked towards the window that he had broken through moments before in an effort to bring down Harrison's shuttle, staring down at the wreckage below.

* * *

Sitting on his bed hours later in the apartment Star Fleet had offered him following his loss of the ship, _his_ ship, Jim had no idea how he had made his way from the Star Fleet building to where he currently sat. He was brought out of his thoughts by the chirp of his door.

Standing to answer the door, Jim ruffled his hair and adjusted his dirty dress uniform before commanding the doors to slide open. On the other side was Kirk's best friend, Bones. McCoy's hair and shirt were even more rumpled and disheveled than Kirk's appearance, and he had smudges of soot and dirt on his face. Dark circles ringed his eyes and the slight wrinkles on his face were harsher, aging the man by ten years. His hazel eyes were alight with contained frustration and anger, with a hint of relief.

"Damn it, man, what the hell is wrong with you?" McCoy's southern drawl accused Jim harshly. "Even that pointy-eared hobgoblin managed to make it to the hospital after tonight for an examination, and _he _didn't insist on playing bloody hero! You nearly got yourself killed, you-" McCoy cut himself off as he saw the completely blank look Jim was giving him.

"I'm fine, Bones. Just bruising and a couple of scratches. I'll be fine. Is that all?" Jim's voice was monotone, dead. His hair was everywhere, his eyes rimmed a harsh red from crying that Jim probably didn't even realize he had been doing, his face was white as a sheet and any light in his blue eyes was completely gone.

"The hell you are, kid. Don't push me away, 'cause I ain't leaving. Talk to me, Jim, don't push all this down. I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist, and even I know that's unhealthy," McCoy implored, raising a hand to rest on Jim's right arm, his thumb gently stroking the material of his dress uniform absent-mindedly. Jim broke once more, an endless stream of tears falling from his eyes and his whole body trembling with the force of his silent sobs that he was struggling to contain.

"I failed, Bones… he's dead because of me," Jim said, his quivering voice barely a whisper as he kept his head down, suddenly finding his shoes particularly interesting.

"What would ever give you that idea?" McCoy put his right hand on Kirk's cheek, directing the younger man to look at him. He wiped the offending tears from his face gently with the pad of his thumb before speaking. "Jim, you did everything you could. I talked to the guys that came into the medbay and the general agreement is that they all owe you their lives. If you hadn't brought down Harrison's shuttle, everyone in that room would be dead, including you and Spock."

Jim continued to stare into McCoy's eyes for a few seconds before apparently deciding that he had seen what he was looking for as the incredible tension that was held through his whole body seemed to melt away slightly and he collapsed against the doctor as if hit by a sudden wave of exhaustion. Tears continued to stream down his face, but his sobs had disappeared, which the doctor viewed as a good sign. McCoy helped Jim walk the few feet to the bed before dropping him down onto it, Kirk's grip ensuring that the elder was dragged down with him.

"Jim-"

"I don't wanna be alone…I'm sorry, Bones," Jim muttered as he buried his head into McCoy's chest. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"God, kid. When I heard what had happened and then you weren't limping through that door, I couldn't help but think that you were going to be carried through in a body bag instead. I can handle a whole lot of sights, JImbo, but you lying, eyes open, staring at nothing like that is not one I can," McCoy explained, his eyes were watery as he wrapped his arms securely around the younger man and pressed a light kiss to his hair.

"I'm so sorry, Bones. It's just, Pike gave me my second chance at life, ya know? And then he gave me my second chance with Star Fleet earlier. I owe that man so much, and I feel like all I keep doing is letting him down. And now I couldn't even save him, the one person who I knew would always be there. He was kind of the father I never had," Jim explained, his body slowly gaining that tension again.

McCoy rubbed his hands into Jim's back, trying to smooth the tension away. He leaned down to kiss Kirk's head again before whispering firmly into his ear, "Jim, you've saved countless lives in the past year alone. Pike was proud of you. And… I will never, _ever, _leave, kid, ok? You're stuck with my middle aged ass for life."

"If I must, Bones, if I must," Jim responded, his voice growing slightly lighter at his friend's attempt at a joke.

"Damn straight."

Jim suddenly sat up so that he was looking down at McCoy before lowering his lips to the man's ear and whispering, "thank you, Leonard," before kissing the man lightly on the cheek and, ignoring the shocked look that earned him (Jim had _never_ called McCoy Leonard. It just didn't happen), rested his head back onto McCoy's chest and letting the exhaustion of the day consume him.

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**The End, I guess. Hope you peoples liked it. **


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